A few good tips, but mostly no

I was reading an article on the 11 Kitchen Tools You Don't Really Need and would like to make a few comments about some of the things mentioned:

Funnel

It only takes one mess to learn that, if a recipe calls for a funnel, you should use it. The trouble is, you never know exactly what size you’ll need and storing larger diameter funnels is a pain. Fortunately, it’s a breeze to construct a makeshift one. For wet ingredients, trim off the bottom section of an empty plastic soda bottle (about 3 inches down from where the neck slopes) and turn it upside down. This will work for practically anything except when you’re home canning jellies or jams, as the high temperature can cause the plastic to warm and become misshapen. For dry ingredients, create a simple cone shape from parchment or wax paper, holding it in place or taping the sides.

This is assuming you keep empty soda bottles stock piled in your cupboards, which would take up more room than simply owning a few funnels. The time spent cutting said soda bottles is wasteful at best because first you'd have to wash the bottle out to prevent it from being sticky and drippy, and you'd have to let it air out and wash it multiple times to rid it of the soda taste. Then you have to find scissors and cut, making sure not to make the edges jagged so as not to cut yourself. All this trouble to avoid using a funnel?

And it is certainly not "green" to make a one-use funnel out of parchment or wax paper. It is also much messier due to the seam; even with dry ingredients you'd have some go through the seam. It is that much more wasteful to tape the seam shut, just for a one-use item. Instead of going to all the trouble of getting out scissors and paper and cutting and taping, why not simply grab your handy funnel?

Juice Reamer

When a recipe calls for fresh-squeezed juice, forget a reamer or handheld juicer—simply use a large pair of tongs (about 6- to 8-in long). Place a halved citrus fruit into the V-shape near the hinge along the top of the tongs and squeeze the handles together.

You'd have to have some amazingly expensive tongs to get more than one squeeze out of them. They'd bend the first time you tried this and then you'd have to go out and buy new tongs and a juicer. You'd have more success just using your hands if you really don't want to buy a juicer.

Mandoline

A mandoline will give you precision when slicing fruits and vegetables—but it’s expensive and can be dangerous if you don’t know how to handle it properly. Instead, use a vegetable peeler. It may not be as quick or uniform in slicing, but you can still achieve paper-thin slices and long curls of vegetables or fruit peels. For maximum efficacy and control, find one with a handle that comfortably fits your hand, and (carefully) slice towards the body.

Wait, since when do vegetable peelers slice? I thought that's what paring knives were for. Or for that matter... any knife can be used to cut vegetables, I've even used plastic butter knives. Sure, get a mandoline if you want, but don't use a vegetable peeler for your cutting.

Meat Mallet

If you like chicken rollups and veal scaloppini, a mallet is a must—but instead of keeping this Medieval-looking device around just to occasionally pound out some meat, go for a small sauté pan instead. Sandwich the meat between two layers of plastic cling wrap and have at it with your makeshift mallet. Keller likes to use an 8- or 9-in pan, because it has “a nice, broad flat surface and hits the meat evenly.” You could also use the sides of a heavy can wrapped in plastic, but a sauté pan will be easier to handle.

I thought the point of a meat mallet was that it has points and ridges on it to promote tenderizing. Hitting it with a flat frying pan only flattens the meat, making it harder, which is the opposite of what the mallet is for.

Panini Press

A sauté pan won’t give you those signature grill lines, but it will provide all the toasty, gooey sandwiches you can handle—without spending $40+ on a bulky, one-use gadget. Start with a sauté pan that's clean and not made of copper (which oxidizes). Put your panini in it and place a heavy cast iron skillet on top in order to press the sandwich down; flip your sandwich over once the bread is toasted. If you don't have a cast iron skillet, place a sauté pan on top, weighing it down with three or four large cans (around 28 oz) of soup or vegetables. Another option is to place an aluminum foil-covered brick on top of the panini in lieu of another pan.

...because Lord knows I certainly keep foil covered bricks in my kitchen. What a lovely conversation piece that would make. mm, brick... so appetizing...

If it was a one-time project, just a recipe I tried out to see how I like it, I can see using cans or another pan. But if it was something I made a lot of I would buy one of the presses. It's no different than people who prefer the fancy coffee machines over the basic machines, if it's something you consume large amounts of I see no issue with owning appliances specifically for it.

Roasting Rack

Great as it may be for cooking fowl, the roasting rack doesn’t get much play beyond Thanksgiving. Skip the hassle (and cost) by creating a small ring or S-shape “snake” out of rolled foil that’s about 1/2-in thick. Place it in an aluminum roaster pan and then set your bird on top of it. For an even easier option, layer chopped onions, carrots and celery on the bottom of a pan, about 1/2- to 1-in deep, and set your bird on top. It’s just enough room to let the air circulate—with the added benefit of roasted vegetables for later.

I suppose it's less hassle and cost to use up all your foil rolling it into some monstrous S/ring shape and grabbing the ruler to check the depth and then worrying the entire time that the bird will roll off the S/ring or that it's weight will crush or tear the S/ring apart than it is to simply buy the tool for the job.

Rolling Pin

Unlike some other items on the list, a rolling pin isn’t usually pricey. But it does take up space and, unless you love to bake, it’s seldom used. In its place, wrap a wine bottle (full or empty) with plastic cling wrap and work away as you would with a pin. The wrap will keep it from sticking and prevents a full-bottle from getting messy. If you’re working with dough for pie or shortbread cookies, ensure it stays cool by using a full bottle that’s been chilling in the fridge for a bit.

Maybe I do it wrong but when I use my rolling pin I tend to put pressure on it. I can just see it now. You're at home, alone, baking. You're humming along merrily as you wrap up your favorite wine in plastic wrap. You lay it on your dough and start to roll. Suddenly the bottle shatters. Your hands pass right into the mess of glass, slicing you badly. Wine and blood go everywhere, their scent sickly sweet and tangy as you shriek and stare sightlessly at what used to be your hands. You need a doctor. You need to call 911. But, wait, it's the modern day and age and your only phone is the cell in your pocket. This would be utterly impossible to reach with your hands the way they are. So you run for the door thinking you'll get the neighbors to help, but you can't get the door open because your fingers just don't seem to be working. You run back to the kitchen and try to wrap your hands in dish towels (assuming you haven't eliminated those from your kitchen as well) using your mouth. Finally you pass out from loss of blood and shock, not to be discovered until some time much later. ...all because you deemed it difficult to store a kitchen tool that sometimes comes with a handy hole for hanging it on a wall out of the way.

Oh, and this also assumes you either (1) drink wine and therefore have bottles of it sitting around and/or (2) keep the empties.