, by Judith O'Brien, I got by accident. How does that happen, you ask? Because at the library book sale Tommy was having a meltdown and I guess the book I was holding at the time I put in with the ones I was buying instead of back on the table. This is not the sort of book I would have normally chosen. It is about a country star. Who travels back in time. And falls in love with a man back then. She also has a boy's name (Deanie which I guess is not really a boy's name but it feels like one to me). Not my kind of book. But I gave it a go because why not, I'd bought it, and it could be fun. (Spoilers ahead)And fun it was! If you want an example of what a Mary Sue looks like this is it. The first page told me how much fun this would be when the first thing we see is how gorgeous she is, the descriptions of her hair and eyes and how lovely she is go on and on. Throughout the book her great beauty is referenced many times. Deanie grew up in a hard life, not knowing her daddy, mom working at a truck stop, she grows up waiting tables and writing songs. Now, angstily enough, everyone but her gets to sing her songs because she is just such an awesome song writer and everyone's walking all over her. But now! Now she gets her chance! She somehow gets the funds to go to England and is filming a music video at a castle when she goes into the maze (a maze that the author even admits in an author's note did not actually ever exist at this castle!) and travels back in time to the court of Henry the VIII. Now, she meets Marty Stu. Yes, that's right. This book is such a Mary Sue that she had to invite Marty Stu to join her. Marty Stu has miraculously worked his way up to Duke over the span of 10 years, and though it's painfully obvious to the reader that he is himself a time traveler, the book chooses to hold off that information and make it a big spoiler reveal later on. He is perfect in every way, except for a slight tooth imperfection that Deanie thinks about obsessively, that perfect little imperfection that makes her want to touch that tooth and kiss that tooth and lick that tooth and... well maybe not lick. Anyway, Deanie quickly captures the king's attention, who, upon meeting her, makes her a lady to the Queen (who at this time is Anne of Cleaves). The king wants her to be his mistress. Cromwell decides to use her by trying to get her with the king to regain king's good graces. She becomes Queen Anne's best friend, her most intimate friend. She instructs Anne and tells her what to do and later is the single most important aspect in "saving her life from being beheaded". She is instrumental in bringing Elizabeth back to court. She laughs with the king, she preforms songs on a guitar to the court, mesmerizing him. Kit (marty stu), is one of the best jousters, besties with Suffolk and the king both, excellent hunter and swordsman. And all the ladies want him. Everywhere he goes women stare and drool over this perfect specimen of a man! He oozes manliness.
So, Kit and Deanie know each other for about two weeks before they are the world to each other and can not ever be separated. There are many pages describing the depth of their everlasting and undying love for each other. About three weeks in she suddenly springs on him that she wants to have his baby. So their love would go on.
And just how do our sickening couple find their way home? Well, there are many layers of rules that don't really make sense. There has to be glass. In your hand. For blue light to shine out of. There has to be explosions or flashing light of some sort. It has to be spring or fall. It has to be evening. They enlist the aid of Suffolk to light the explosions that send them back home, and he apparently doesn't care that it's basically witchcraft that they're practicing and agrees to help them. So for whatever reason Deanie and Kit both go back to her time, instead of each going to their own time or going to a different time altogether. They are separated a little, though, physically. Deanie is somehow inside a bush when she reaches her real time and is found by the crew of the music video. Kit is... I have no idea where he is but instead of searching for Deanie he leaves the maze and randomly takes off with the first random stranger he sees and is then committed to an insane asylum or something when he's found wandering London. Deanie has a breakdown and sees a psychiatrist who insists Kit was all in her imagination. So blah blah Deanie goes slowly insane, Kit tries to contact her, but Deanie's music people block him assuming he's just a creepy stalker. Despite having him on the stalker list a guard at a show she does in England (where she is in front of "thousands" of fans) lets him in and they run back to her hotel to twist up the sheets. And then it's recap time for those of the readers who don't know about that part of English history that these two were in, and they lay in bed talking about what happened to Henry and Suffolk and Anne. After which Kit suddenly decides he has to leave because he can offer her nothing, because he's the best jouster, an ace pilot in vintage planes, but he's nothing in the 90s! He has to leave her so he can find himself! Sounds to me like a lame excuse to run.
But in the epilogue all is well because they're married and he somehow found the money to build the biggest and best vintage airline tourist attraction thing with old planes and old music and old clothes to fit a WWII era theme. Like everyone wants to buy his company, they're even raising their offers! But he's turning them all down because he loves his job and is going to move it to Nashville where Deanie lives.
The whole thing is so silly I can't imagine the intent was anything but a comedic take on bad romance novels. If you are teaching a class and want to make one of the lessons on "what not to do" this book would be a good example. I'm not even doing it justice in my descriptions. There's swearing but otherwise it's very clean for a romance novel. I could see it as a cheap, straight to video romcom. I'm holding onto this book just because it was amusing. Though I don't really think the author meant for it to be that way.
Wow, I just went back over this. I talk waaaaay longer about the books I don't like (though I did kinda like this just not in the intended way) than the ones I do like. I should work on that.
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